It's Important

JoNell is my caregiver. It sounds funny to say that now. She and I have always shared our home duties.

Before cancer she kept track of the money, paid the bills and put in more hours than I did. She usually worked at her office in Naples for 8 to 10 hours and then came home and worked another 1 or 2 on the computer. She also put in another chunk on the weekends. Her other home duty was feeding the cats. They love her.

I worked on the water as a charter captain. I did anywhere from 5 to 14 trips a week. Sometimes it was a short week, sometimes it was a long week. When I got home I was the house cleaner, laundry dude, kitty sandbox changer, pool cleaner, yard maintenance dude and in charge of getting the recycle cans and garbage to the street on the proper days. I made sure the vehicles keep running. I also took care of all things SoulMate Charters, Inc. Bills, deposits, taxes etc.

We both shared the making of dinner and the trips to Publix.

All this changed when I got diagnosed with cancer. I became fairly useless and JoNell had to pick up the slack of running the entire household. It was quite a shock for both of us. I don’t think either one of us realized how much the other did and I know she didn’t know my routines.

Over the past two months we have adjusted and I am starting to feel physically better so I can lend a hand on a few chores. It’s still tough for me to last longer than 15 minutes or so, but it makes me feel better when I can help. Just folding clothes means I’m helping a bit and I really want to do that for JoNell. 

I love her so much. It’s been quite an ordeal and it has weighed on both of us. Most of the time we work toward getting it done. We don’t talk much about the future. We just keep plugging away at the here and now. Today.

Every now and then the future creeps in and that’s when the tears start for both of us. We had plans and this has pretty much wrecked that. JoNell also realizes how close she came to losing me. She was there for the incident at the hospital and she’ll most likely never forget it. She was pretty sure that was the end. We’ve talked about it and I’ve told her that she’s stuck with me. It’s going to take more than cancer to do me in.

I’m writing this as advice for couples. Married or not, you need a plan that covers your worst possible moments. What happens if...  It’s important. JoNell and I were under the assumption that things would just move along as they always have. Kind of a pre destiny. Well, that was wrong. We should have known better, but we were both lulled into a false sense of security.

Take the time to learn what the other does. How you each fit in to the overall scheme of things. It’s very important. It’s much better to be ready than not.