Back Pain

Back pain is a pain in the ass, not the back.

Gosh, I really never thought that a certain pain could last so long and be so persistent. I was wrong. I now clearly understand the pain that some of my older charter customers were experiencing on the boat over the years. I had one gentleman named Joe who had a bad back. He was constantly looking for the next panacea to make everything as it was in his much younger years. Medicines, rubs, braces and even surgery. It took him almost 6 years to get it right. But he did. His persistence beat out the pain’s persistence. He was so happy about it, as was I.

My pain is fixable. Or is it? I know that surgery is going to be best. I’ve read enough to know that compression fractures, a side effect of multiple myeloma, can be fixed using a glue or cement like substance injected into the spine to set things straight. But there is also the possibility of new fractures appearing if I don’t reach remission soon enough. It’s ok. I really don’t want to go through what Joe went through for 6 years. I’m going to get this done and move on to the next hurdle that MM will surely throw my way.

I’m being tested.

Conflicted

Conflicted. That sums up my feelings after the past week or so. I have lots of advice coming at me from a lot of different directions and new doctors are popping out of the woodwork. I know it’s important and I do the best I can to sort things out, but it’s difficult at best.

Part of the problem is being able to pay attention. The assortment of drugs I’m taking for the pain do make me more comfortable, but my ability to absorb detailed information has been a problem. I have to rely on written notes and JoNell’s memory. Good thing she has a great memory!

I do need a central controller of all things medical. A handler that can sort out all the doctors, their needs and request, along with insurance needs and pharmacy issues. I often wonder what pills can go with what pills and are there dangerous mixes. Just one of those things you pick up on pharmaceutical television ads.

I’ve been a very independent person for many, many years but I recognize the need for help. It’s been embarrassing though. Because I’ve always been able to take care of myself both physically and financially, it’s tough to accept the help. I’ve been the giver not the receiver. Now I need the help. I want so badly for things to go back to the way they were. That’s going to take some time.