Conflicted

Conflicted. That sums up my feelings after the past week or so. I have lots of advice coming at me from a lot of different directions and new doctors are popping out of the woodwork. I know it’s important and I do the best I can to sort things out, but it’s difficult at best.

Part of the problem is being able to pay attention. The assortment of drugs I’m taking for the pain do make me more comfortable, but my ability to absorb detailed information has been a problem. I have to rely on written notes and JoNell’s memory. Good thing she has a great memory!

I do need a central controller of all things medical. A handler that can sort out all the doctors, their needs and request, along with insurance needs and pharmacy issues. I often wonder what pills can go with what pills and are there dangerous mixes. Just one of those things you pick up on pharmaceutical television ads.

I’ve been a very independent person for many, many years but I recognize the need for help. It’s been embarrassing though. Because I’ve always been able to take care of myself both physically and financially, it’s tough to accept the help. I’ve been the giver not the receiver. Now I need the help. I want so badly for things to go back to the way they were. That’s going to take some time.